Kelsey Lane

On April 30th, 2019, my college career and many parts of my life changed forever. I recall the day as being gorgeous and people being excited about the semester coming to a close. Looking back, I felt like that whole night was a movie or a bad dream that was going to end when the sun arose the next morning. However, this was not the case as the following days were filled with shock and immense grief. I did not sleep at all that night and decided to get up at about 5:30am on May 1. The air felt heavy, the clouds were an ominous grey, and sadness and grief weighed over the campus and surrounding areas like a heavy blanket. I decided to take a walk around campus. Kennedy is about a 3 minute walk from where I live, and happens to be a pretty flat walk with minimal hills. So, my two legs took me there, one foot in front of the other. The lockdown had lifted about 10 minutes prior. Our campus was on lockdown for 12 hours. There were still several police cars, trailers, lights, and officers outside of the building. I had not yet cried about anything that happened, as it all still felt like a movie or bad dream. I walked around the sidewalk to stand in front of Rowe, facing Kennedy. Police officers were taking down the crime scene tape and exiting the building. I felt everything at that one moment. I cried, screamed, and wanted to throw a tantrum like a 5 year old. I stood by myself about 200 feet outside of Kennedy at 5:30 in the morning. One police officer caught eye of my breakdown and headed my way. He got out of his car, offered a tissue, and gave gentle words of advice. His words went something like this: “I know it sucks. This really sucks. It’s going to suck tomorrow, and next week, and the weeks after that. And 5 years from now. And 25 years from now. Because this sucks. And it breaks my heart that you have to go through this. But listen. Take a deep breath. What happened has happened, and now you must move forward. I’ve been doing this for 20 years and have seen some really awful things, this one being near the top of the list. You have to talk to someone. Don’t let it bottle up inside of you because it will come back and bite you in your future. You are strong, you are brave, and you know that you are so loved by this community and this university.” He proceeded to hand me his business card, and told me to take care of myself. This genuine act of kindness was just the first of many to be experienced over the next two weeks. I stood there for a little longer, imagining the terror and horror that took place in and outside of the building standing before me just hours ago. There’s a tree right next to the entrance of Rowe where I was standing. On this morning at almost 6am, there were birds in this tree that seemed to be singing louder than I have ever heard birds sing before. They were not screeching or crying, but just singing and chirping. Thankful for a new day. Thankful for food to eat. Thankful for a tree to nest in. The only thing I could think in my head was “and still the birds sing.” Despite the tragedy, the horror, the grief, pain, shock, tears, and every awful thing that has come out of this senseless shooting, the birds still sing. There is still hope. This world has more good to offer than evil. Even though it seems quite the opposite, there is still hope. 

It has been 12 days since the shooting took place at the place I call home. I feel a million different things surrounding this event. I am heartbroken for the families, friends, and loved ones of Riley and Reed. I am at a loss for words to describe the way our school has come together to show support for the victims and for one another. I am thankful that Riley apprehended the shooter and saved countless amounts of lives with his heroic actions. I am infuriated that he was even put in that situation, or that any one of us has experienced this. I am grateful that the other four victims that were shot and injured are going to be okay. But most of all, I am hopeful. I am hopeful that our generation will make a significant change. I am hopeful because I have seen outpours of light and love amongst a terrible tragedy. I am hopeful that our community and school will be better, stronger, and closer because of this. I am hopeful because the birds still sing. I am hopeful because we are Charlotte Strong. 

Pictured below is my hand up at this weekend’s graduation ceremony for Riley, Reed, Emily, Drew, Rami, Sean, and for Niner Nation. May Charlotte’s light dispel the night.